The Simpsons vs Arthur
by Owennumber1fan
Summary: America's favorite family moves to Elwood City when Homer is put in charge of it's new nuclear plant. And life for Arthur and friends will never be the same.
1. A New Beginning

"Sometimes when new people move in, you don't know what to think of them" Arthur said "like Sue Ellen for instance…"

"Hey four eyes, who ya talking to?" Bart Simpson interrupted him.

"The readers" Arthur explained.

Bart looked forward "I don't know what you're talking about man, nobody's reading this thing."

"Do you mind, I'm trying to set up the story here" Arthur said.

"Well you're doing it all wrong man" Bart replied "if you want somebody to read this thing, you gotta give 'em what they like. I'm talking car crashes, explosions, booze and cheap dames."

"I don't think we have any of that" Arthur said.

"Well then, don't expect anybody to read it" Bart added "they'd probably rather visit a Barney website then be bored by this thing."

"Now hold on!" Arthur shouted "this story may not have the stuff you said, but it's not boring. It has humor, an evil plot, romance…"

"Still sounds like a snoozefest."

"And don't forget, you and your family are in here too"

"Oh yeah. Maybe this story won't suck rocks after all. Roll it, Johnny!"

"Who are you talking too?" Arthur asked.

"Nobody, I just always wanted to say that" Bart replied.

* * *

The Simpsons vs. Arthur

* * *

Elwood City was normally a quiet place, where very little ever happened. But very soon, it would meet a very colorful family that would change all that.

"Well kids, here we are, Elwood city" Homer Simpson proudly announced "can you believe Mr. Burns built a nuclear plant out here? And that he picked me as the supervisor?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven't you been responsible for causing meltdowns?" Bart asked.

"Yeah, but I never blew up the city, smart guy" Homer added.

"Well I think this trip will be good for us" Marge said "we can meet new friends and immerse ourselves in new culture."

"I don't want to immerse myself in a new culture" Lisa complained "I want to live in Springfield."

"Now honey, we're all going to miss Springfield" Homer said "but look at the bright side. Daddy doesn't have any outstanding warrants here."

"I think Lis is just upset cause she had to leave her tree hugging boyfriend" Bart added.

"I'll admit that I do miss Colin, but there's more to it than that. I'll miss the educational system, and the fine cultural institutions and…oh who am I kidding! Dad, why did we have to move when I finally had happiness?"

"Because Mr. Burns put me in charge of his new nuclear plant" Homer explained "weren't you listening?"

"Whoa, I think the plant sprung a leak homeboy, cause I see mutants all over the place" Bart said, looking out the window.

"What the?" Homer asked "Marge, why are the people animals?"

"I don't know" Marge explained "maybe this is their Mardi Gras."

"This is certainly going to be one interesting trip" Lisa added.

* * *

The Simpsons soon arrived at the new home Mr. Burns had set up for them.

"Wow, it looks just like our old house" Bart said.

"Yup, Mr. Burns thought of everything" Homer replied.

They unloaded the car and their pets and were astonished to find that the inside resembled their old house as well.

"It's like looking at our house in a mirror" an awestruck Marge said.

"I'm betting the fridge is the same too" Homer said as he headed off towards the kitchen. As Marge set Maggie down on the floor, she heard him scream.

"Homer, what is it?" she asked worriedly.

"There's no beer!"

"There, there, Homey, you can just get some from the local convenience store. But first help me…"

"See ya Marge" Homer said quickly.

Marge made her angry murmur, then turned to the kids.

"First thing we need to do is get you two in school" she said "just cause we've moved to a new city doesn't mean you can forego your education."

"Well, perhaps the school here will be better funded then our last one" Lisa said "they may even have textbooks that aren't made of plastic."

"Hey, those were fun for chucking at nerds" Bart replied.

"That's the spirit! And who knows, you two might make a whole bunch of new friends" Marge said.

"I doubt it" Bart replied.

* * *

Soon Marge went to Lakewood Elementary and met with Principal Haney to discuss transferring Bart & Lisa.

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Simpson" Principal Haney said, "and may I say, you have very unique hair."

"Why thank you. And you have very unique…glasses."

"Now then, you wish to have your children Bart & Lisa attend our school?"

"Yes. I assume Principal Skinner sent over the required transcripts?"

"He did" Principal Haney said, pulling out the files "and I must say, I was remarkably surprised the size of your son's. We don't get many children like him."

"Bart's a little mischievous, but he's basically a good kid" Marge explained.

"I understand" Principal Haney replied "actually, I do happen to know a student just like that. I believe he'll get along very well with Bart. But I wanted to talk about Lisa. Her grades are quite impressive. So much so that I think the second grade would be too easy for her."

"Are you suggesting moving her up to third grade?" Marge asked.

Haney nodded "I believe Mr. Ratburn's class will offer her the kind of challenge she needs. He is one of our best teachers."

"Oh, I'm sure she'll be excited!" Marge replied "she loves challenges, especially academic ones."

"Fine" Principal Haney continued "we can start them both tomorrow. School begins at 8:00."

"They'll be there" Marge replied, then whispered under her breath, "um, you don't by any chance offer bus service, do you?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Oh. Well, at least I know they won't be taken to school by a long haired hippie who's whacked out on goofballs. Um, I'll leave now."

* * *

Arthur: So, what do you think of the story so far?

Bart: I guess it doesn't suck out loud.

Arthur: Glad to hear it. In the next chapter, you and Lisa have your first day at Lakewood and meet…well, us. Plus, you try to find a replacement for Milhouse and there's even a food fight.

Bart: Now you're talking my language. I can't wait for that.


	2. Welcome to Lakewood

The next day, Marge drove the kids to their first day of school at Lakewood.

"Have a good time kids!" she yelled from the car "Bart, don't set the building on fire!"

"Man, I never get to have any fun!" Bart whined.

"I hope this third grade class is as challenging as they claim" Lisa said "but anything is a welcome change from Miss Hoover."

In the third grade class, Arthur and his friends were gathering for a day of lessons. Francine took the seat across from Arthur & Buster and leaned in to talk to them.

"Guess what, I heard a new student is joining our class today."

"Wonder what they'll be like" Arthur said.

"Hey, maybe this kid will finally get my jokes" Buster said happily.

"Okay children, listen up" Mr. Ratburn addressed the class "as you may have heard, a new student will be joining us today. Her name is Lisa Simpson and she's from a town called Springfield. Come on in and introduce yourself Lisa."

The girl nervously peeked around the corner of the doorway, then stepped in. All the kids let out one big gasp upon seeing her.

"Um, hello" Lisa said nervously "as you know, my name is Lisa. I like playing the saxophone, fighting for environmental rights, and Malibu Stacy. Um, I look forward to meeting all of you, and hope we can be friends. That's all."

"Welcome to the class Lisa" Mr. Ratburn said, "please, have a seat."

_It's just as I thought _Buster thought _aliens have come to Elwood City! I must remain calm, must not do anything to let the alien know I'm on to her. _

"May I sit here?" Lisa asked Buster.

"AAAAAH! Don't disintegrate me!" Buster screamed.

"Huh?"

"You'll have to excuse Buster, he has a very active imagination" Francine said "the name's Francine Frensky, and it's nice to meet you."

"Thank you" Lisa said "I was afraid I'd be treated as a freak here, because I'm well, you know…"

"Different?"

"In a matter of speaking."

"Sure you look funny, but that doesn't mean you're not a nice kid" Francine said "and my dad always says 'you can't judge a book by its' cover.'"

"I'm Arthur Read" the aardvark boy said, extending his hand "welcome to Lakewood."

"Glad to be here" Lisa replied "tell me, is this teacher of yours really as tough as they say?"

"Even tougher"

_At last, a challenge! _Lisa thought happily _perhaps I could get used to living here… _

* * *

Recess finally came and the kids went off to do their own things. Lisa was headed for the swings when she noticed one of her classmates, a girl with curly hair who she believed to be a cat, heading towards her.

"Hey" the girl said, "I didn't get a chance to properly introduce myself earlier. I'm Sue Ellen Armstrong, and I know what it's like to be the new kid."

"Well your friends seem to have accepted me, so I'm not too worried."

"Did I hear you say you played the saxophone?"

"Yes."

"So do I. What kind do you play?"

"Baritone" Lisa replied.

"I'm an alto."

"Wow, I've only known one girl who played the saxophone before, and that was my friend Alison" Lisa replied. "Most people thought it was a giant bong."

"What's a bong?"

"It's a…kind of horn" Lisa replied sheepishly.

"Okay. Hey, you want to come over to my house after school and practice?"

"I'd love too!"

"Great, see you after school" Sue Ellen replied, as she headed off to the slide.

"Wow, I've made more friends here then I did at Springfield" Lisa marveled "and not one of them a Ralph."

Meanwhile, Bart was searching the playground for a friend.

"Lets see, which of these animal dorks will be my new Milhouse?" he asked, looking around. Then he noticed Arthur playing on the monkey bars with Buster. "Perfect, he even looks like Milhouse."

Bart walked over to the monkey bars and was quickly noticed by Buster.

_Another alien kid! _he thought _keep cool Buster. Try to befriend him and learn his master plan. _

"Hello, not alien" Buster said, "my name is Buster Baxter. How are you?"

"Buzz off long ears" Bart said, "hey, four eyes."

"Are you talking to me?"

"You see any other glasses wearing kids around here? How'd you like a best friend?"

"I already have a best friend, Buster" Arthur said, gesturing to his pal.

"This freak?" Bart asked, "listen kid, stick with me and I'll make you famous. Cause I'm the king of cool, and you can be my squire."

"I don't think I want to play with you" Arthur said, "come on Buster."

"I'm on to you, alien" Buster said as he walked away.

"Ah, screw them" Bart said "there has to be somebody around here who will want to be my new friend."

"Um…hi" a nervous George said, after approaching Bart "are you an alien, like Buster said?"

"Jackpot."

* * *

Later, it was lunchtime and Lisa made her way down the lunch line, tray in hand.

"Excuse me ma'am" she said to Ms. MacGrady, "I'm not sure if the principal informed you, but I'm a vegetarian, and…"

"Don't worry, I've got you covered" the lunch lady said, handing Lisa a salad "we don't have many vegetarians around here, but we are more than happy to accommodate them."

"Thank you" Lisa replied, and began searching for a place to sit when Sue Ellen waved her over. The spiky haired girl sat down and noticed several other of her classmates present.

"Lisa, I'd like you to meet Brain & Fern" Sue Ellen began "I think you'll really like them."

"Is it true that you skipped a grade?" Brain asked.

"Yes, your principal apparently thought that the second grade wouldn't be challenging enough for me" Lisa replied "I'm lucky he did. I find your Mr. Ratburn fascinating, and the work is a little more advanced than what I received at my old school."

"Looks like we might have to start calling her 'the Brain'" Fern joked.

"Please don't" Lisa said "I don't wish to be known for only my brain."

"She was just kidding" Brain replied "see, my nickname is the Brain, and it's refreshing to have someone of similar intellect in the class."

"What's your real name?" Lisa inquired.

"Alan Powers."

"Then I'll just call you Alan" Lisa replied "Fern, I don't believe I got to talk to you at all. Tell me some of your interests."

"Well, I love reading, especially mysteries" Fern said "my favorites are Sherlock Holmes and anything by Agatha Christie. And I love poetry"

"I normally just read the occasionally Nancy Drew" Lisa replied "but I do share your love of great literature and poetry. Keats, Ginsburg, Dr. Seuss, they're all wonderful."

"My parents won't let me have any books by Ginsburg" Fern explained "he uses a lot of bad words."

"Yes, I can see how that could be a problem" Lisa replied "Oh, I'm so delighted to have met of all you! For the first time in my life, I have friends who share my interests, instead of always wanting to play dolls and hopscotch. Not that I don't enjoy those as well."

"May I sit here?"

The question came from Muffy, who didn't bother waiting for a response and instead, promptly sat down next to Lisa.

"Hello, I'm Mary Alice Crosswire, but everyone calls me Muffy" the girl said, "and I wanted to properly welcome you to our school. By the way, those are delightful pearls you're wearing, wherever did you get them?"

"They're not real" Lisa explained "my mom and I buy them bulk from a thrift store."

"Oh" Muffy said, her tone indicating that she was very disappointed, "well, if you'd like some real pearls, I'd be more than happy to give you some."

"Thanks, I'll think about it" Lisa replied uneasily.

* * *

Elsewhere in the lunchroom, Bart was grooming George on how to be his new sidekick.

"This place is calling out for a good, old fashioned, food fight" he said "and the key to starting one is to chuck food at just the right person."

"I don't feel right about this" George whined.

"Relax, nobody will get hurt, it's only food" Bart replied. Then he scanned the lunchroom until he found his victim. "Ah ha, big kid at twelve o clock."

"Not Binky!" George shouted "if he finds out you threw something at him, he'll pound you."

"Relax, I've dealt with bullies way dumber than him before" Bart said "now go get me some pudding."

George reluctantly complied and Bart hurled it at Binky, causing it to slam right into his back. Every kid in the lunchroom gasped in terror.

"What's wrong?" Lisa asked.

"Someone threw pudding at Binky" Sue Ellen explained.

"So?"

"You haven't met Binky, have you?"

"Hey, who threw that?" Binky asked, angrily wiping the pudding off the back of his shirt.

"It was that kid" Bart said, pointing to Arthur.

"What? No, I didn't! You have to understand…" Arthur stammered.

"Understand this!" Binky said tossing his salad at Arthur. It hit him square in the nose.

"Hey, you can't throw food at Arthur and get away with it!" Francine shouted, and picked up a handful of peas.

"Oh yeah, and what are you gonna do?" Molly asked.

Francine flung the peas at Binky, but they hit Molly instead. The angry girl then grabbed her milk carton and tossed it at Francine. She ducked, but it hit Buster instead.

"Mmmm, milk" he said happily.

Soon everyone began throwing food at everyone else, while Bart reveled in the chaos.

"Ahh, the Bart Simpson era has arrived" he said, putting his hands behind his head "pretty sweet, eh Georgie boy?"

"No, it's terrible!" George said, "I don't think I want to be your friend anymore."

"Man what is with you wussy kids?" Bart asked, "you act like you never have food fights or nothing."

"Actually, we don't" George replied.

"Well ya do now."

Over at Lisa's table, Sue Ellen and the others had gotten under the table to avoid the flying food.

"Look at my dress!" Muffy screamed "this will take forever to wash out! And what's this in my hair? Vomitrocious!"

"Who could've started this?" Sue Ellen wondered.

"I think I know the real culprit" Lisa said, "grab a tray and follow me."

The kids grabbed their lunch trays and used them as shields, while they crawled across the floor. Over in the corner, Bart was doing the same, while he sipped happily from a juice box.

"I love it when a plan comes together" he said.

"Ah-ha!"

Bart turned and saw Lisa and several other kids standing nearby.

"I should've guessed you'd be behind this" Lisa said, "how could you?"

"Don't have a cow Lis, I just started a foodfight. It's not like I burned down the school or something."

"You're paying for my dry cleaning!" Muffy shouted.

Before Bart could respond, Principal Haney entered the room, accompanied by Miss MacGrady.

"Stop this at once!" he shouted, before getting a pile of sloppy joes in the face. The kids immediately stopped and a deathly silence fell over the room.

"Now then, who started this?" Haney asked.

Before Lisa could say a word, George spoke up "it was him Principal Haney" he said, pointing towards Bart, "I saw him do it."

"Hey man, how could you rat me out?" Bart asked "I thought we were friends."

"Friends don't make friends do things they don't want to" George replied.

"Come with me young man" Haney said, grabbing Bart by the arm "you'll have plenty of time to discuss this in my office. As for the rest of you, help clean up this mess."

"Well, that was eventful" Arthur said, picking spaghetti off his head.

"Speak for yourself" Buster replied "I've picked up enough food for three lunches!"

* * *

Arthur: Not bad, although I could've done without the food fight.

Bart: I'm just glad I was in this chapter more.

Arthur: Anyway, in the next chapter, Lisa visits Sue Ellen's house, and is mortified when Sue Ellen asks to visit hers.

Bart: Probably cause she's afraid Homer will scare her away. I don't blame her, my dad sits around in his underwear waaay too often.

Arthur: I'm going to pretend I never heard that, Anyway, read and review.


	3. Weeknight at Susie's

With Bart in detention, the rest of the day went off without a hitch. When the day ended, Lisa followed Sue Ellen to her family car.

"Hello dear, who's your friend?" Mrs. Armstrong asked "and why do you smell like cheese?"

"This is Lisa, she's a new girl in my class and I invited her over" Sue Ellen explained "and I smell because her brother started a food fight today."

"Oh really?"

"I assure you Mrs. Armstrong, I'm nothing like Bart. In fact, your daughter and I share many interests."

Sue Ellen nodded "she plays the saxophone, like me."

"That's nice" Mrs. Armstrong replied "you two could do a duet. Just don't do it all night."

They eventually arrived at the Armstrong residence, where the girls quickly hurried to Sue Ellen's room. Lisa was awed by all the posters and knick-knacks from other countries.

"Wow, you never mentioned that you've traveled the world."

Sue Ellen nodded "yeah, my dad's a diplomat so we travel a lot. How about you, have you ever been to another country?"

"Several, actually" Lisa replied "England, Brazil, Italy, China…"

"You've been to China?" an excited Sue Ellen asked, "oh, I've always wanted to go there! How was it?"

"Pretty good, if you ignore the history of communist oppression. Oh, and my dad nearly left Bart behind and brought back a Chinese kid instead."

"Maybe he should've" Sue Ellen joked, "how'd you end up going there anyway? Does your dad have a job that requires a lot of travel?"

"Not really. There always seems to be a series of bizarre contrivances that lead to us travelling to other countries. In that case, my aunt wished to adopt a baby."

"Binky and his parents did the same thing" Sue Ellen replied "now he has a sister named Mei-Lin, and she's the cutest little thing. So, what does your father do?"

_Should I tell her my dad supervises a nuclear plant? _Lisa thought _what if she's opposed to nuclear power, like me? But I don't want to lie to her… _

"He helps supply power to people's houses" Lisa explained quickly.

"Is he an electrician?"

"Something like that."

Thankfully, before Sue Ellen could pry further, Mrs. Armstrong came up to invite the girls to dinner.

"This is very good Mrs. Armstrong" Lisa said.

"Thank you. It's a little recipe I picked up during our stay in Costa Rica" the woman explained.

"So anyway Lisa, I was thinking," Sue Ellen said, "maybe I could visit your house tomorrow."

Lisa began to choke on her food.

"What's wrong? Is there something wrong with the food?" Mr. Armstrong asked.

"No, it's fine" Lisa said.

"So, how about it? Can I come over?"

"Well…"Lisa said

* * *

She imagined bringing Sue Ellen home and the girl meeting Homer.

"Hey little girl, play with this ball of yarn" he said.

"Mr. Simpson, I don't really feel…"

"Play with it!" Homer said, shaking his fist in a threatening manner.

Sue Ellen sighed and grabbed the ball of yarn, than began tossing it from hand to hand. Homer watched and giggled happily.

"Aww, she thinks she's people" he said.

Lisa could only stand and watch, horrified, as her new friend was embarrassed. She returned to reality and saw Sue Ellen looking at her.

* * *

"Lisa, are you OK?"

"Fine, just fine" Lisa replied.

"So, can I come over?" Sue Ellen asked again.

"Sure. That would be…great" Lisa replied "but I'll have to talk it over with my mom first."

* * *

After dinner, Lisa practiced with Sue Ellen for a half-hour until Mrs. Armstrong drove her home. When she arrived, Homer was on the couch watching TV.

"And now back to professional bumfighting."

"Finally, the homeless people are doing something useful, instead of just taking up space" Homer commented.

"Hi honey" Marge said, emerging from the kitchen "did you have fun at your little friend's house?"

"Mom, can I talk to you, in private?"

"Of course dear" Marge replied and the two went into the kitchen "so what's bothering you? The 'birds and the bees'? Economic problems? The war in Iraq?"

"I had a really good time over at Sue Ellen's house" Lisa began "I really like her, she reminds me so much of me in many ways."

"That doesn't sound like a problem."

"Anyway, Sue Ellen wants to come over here and I told her I needed to ask you first, but the truth is, I don't want her to, well, you know."

"Oh man, right in the crotch!" Homer yelled from the living room.

"I really like this girl and I'm afraid if she meets dad…" Lisa began.

"Don't you worry sweetheart. You invite this Sue Ellen over; I'll talk with your father and tell him to be on his best behavior. But you don't have to worry, he cares about you and would never do anything to hurt you."

"A shopping cart? No way that's legal!" Homer said.

"I'll talk to him" Marge replied.

* * *

And when they were in bed that night, Marge brought up the situation.

"So you see Homie, it would really make Lisa's day if you would control yourself and maybe not swear at the TV or mention any of your, um, 'theories.'"

"Not even the one about how al-Qaida was responsible for _the Sopranos _finale?"

"Especially not that one" Marge added.

"Okay honey. If it's for Lisa, then I'll be on my best behavior" Homer replied, "but I don't have to do it if Bart has anybody over, right?"

"I don't think Bart is going to be having anybody over for a long time" Marge explained "I heard he started a food fight today at school. I wish he'd make some new friends like Lisa. Preferably ones who would be a good influence on him."

"So, are we gonna have sex, or not?" Homer asked.

* * *

The next day, Marge & Maggie traveled to the local grocery store.

"This place sure has better prices than the Kwik-e-Mart" Marge commented "$1.75 for a dozen tomatoes? I'd better stock up, cause you can never have too many tomatoes."

Marge made her way down another aisle and proceeded to pick up a can of soup.

"Nobody really ever eats soup, but for .75, I can't afford not to buy it" she said, "I feel like I'm in shopping heaven. Ooh, I wonder if they carry Bart's cereal here."

She walked around until she noticed another woman in the cereal aisle. "Pardon me miss, do you know if they stock 'Krusty-O's' here?"

The woman turned to look at Marge. She appeared to be an anthropormorphized aardvark dressed in a pink sweater and blue jeans. A baby was also in her cart, attempting to grab cereal off the shelves.

"Sorry, I've never heard of that brand before" Mrs. Read replied.

"Oh, well maybe he'll like this 'Super Choco-tastic'" Marge said, picking the cereal off the shelf.

"You must be new here" Mrs. Read said.

"Yes, we just moved in yesterday" Marge replied "I'm Marge Simpson" she added, extending her hand.

"Jane Read."

While the two mothers talked, Kate decided to chat up the new baby.

"Hi there, I'm Kate" she introduced herself "what's your name?"

Maggie just continued to suck on her pacifier.

"Not a talker, huh?"

"And that's basically how we ended up here" Marge finished.

"Well no offense, but I think that nuclear power plant was a big mistake" Mrs. Read said, "if something goes wrong it could be very dangerous."

"I thought that in Springfield too, but my Homie apparently knows what he's doing. He stopped a meltdown from destroying the town once."

"I'd still feel better if that thing were gone" Mrs. Read replied "anyway, since you're new to the neighborhood, maybe you'd let me show you around?"

"That would be great!" Marge said, "just let me finish my shopping. I'm amazed at how cheap stuff is here."

"You've obviously never visited the mall."

* * *

Bart: Aww man, my mom meeting your mom can't be good.

Arthur: Why not?

Bart: Cause I just know she's gonna make me hang out with you.

Arthur: What's wrong with that? I'm pretty cool, my fresh, fly bro man.

Bart: Don't ever use slang again man, cause you suck at it.

Arthur: All right. Anyway, next up, Sue Ellen meets the Simpsons and learns a shocking secret about Homer.

Bart: Also, I get stuck hanging with out with four-eyes over here and introduce him to wonders of Krusty the clown.

Arthur: Don't forget what happens with D.W. That's my favorite part.

Bart: Yeah yeah. So read and review jerkwads.


	4. Sue meets the Simpsons

After school, Sue Ellen waited outside with Lisa, anxious to visit her friend's house.

"I hope your mom gets here soon" Sue Ellen replied, "I can't wait to meet her."

_It's my dad I'm more worried about you meeting _Lisa thought.

Marge soon pulled up in the red station wagon and the two girls got in.

"So you must be Sue Ellen" Marge said, "what a pleasure to finally meet you. And what lovely hair you have."

"Thank you Mrs. Simpson" Sue Ellen replied "your hair is nice too, although I don't think I could get mine to stand up like that."

"It helps if you use a lot of mousse" Marge replied.

The two girls chatted all the way to the Simpson house. When they arrived, Sue Ellen quickly took the lead and ran to the door. Marge fumbled with the keys and they were soon inside.

"Well here we are, now let's go up to my room" Lisa said quickly, grabbing Sue Ellen by the arm.

"Hold on, let me look around a little bit" Sue Ellen replied, pulling herself from Lisa's grip. The girl wandered into the living room, where Homer was sitting on the couch.

"You must be Mr. Simpson" Sue Ellen said, "I'm Sue Ellen Armstrong, from Lisa's school."

"Ah yes, hello there" Homer replied, in a fake British accent "I am Lisa's father, a well-behaved gent who enjoys crumpets and never swears."

"Oh God" Lisa buried her hands in her face.

After exploring the rest of the house, Sue Ellen followed Lisa up to her room. "You never mentioned your dad was British."

"He's not."

After both girls arrived in Lisa's room, Lisa got out her Malibu Stacy's while Sue Ellen pulled something from her backpack.

"What a wonderful doll!" Lisa said, upon seeing it.

"This is Pema, she's a World Girl doll from Tibet" Sue Ellen explained.

"I think I heard about those" Lisa replied, "didn't their company go out of business because their supply didn't meet the demand."

Sue Ellen nodded "my friends Muffy & Francine and I went to the World Girl World and saw them being made" she explained "Muffy used to have a whole bunch but she gave most of them away. I'm sure she'd let you have one, if you asked nicely."

"I'll think about it." Lisa said, "It would be nice to have a doll that represents another country. "The closest Malibu Stacy ever came was the 'around the world' line. But it turned out it was just Stacy with vacation slides from various countries."

"Hello Malibu Stacy, I'm Pema and I'm happy to welcome you to Tibet" Sue Ellen said, moving her doll.

"Thank you Pema" Lisa replied, manipulating her doll "I look forward to visiting this great country, especially its' renowned Buddhist temples."

"May I offer you some milk from my yak?" Sue Ellen asked.

"Absolutely" Lisa replied.

* * *

Dinner soon arrived and the Simpsons took their places. Sue Ellen was seated in between Lisa and Bart.

"So, you're in my sister's class, huh?" Bart asked.

"Yeah, and you're in fourth grade. My friend Prunella is in that class, do you know her?"

"Crazy rat chick?"

"That's her."

"Yeah, I put a whoopee cushion on her chair today" Bart replied "man, you should've seen the look on her face."

Sue Ellen ignored Bart and turned to her hosts "this smells very good Mrs. Simpson" she said.

"Thank you, but it's just meatloaf."

"And delicious meatloaf it is, dear Margery" Homer replied, in his British accent "as wonderful as having tea with the queen, or playing cricket in Westminster Abbey with Elton John and Scary Spice. "

"Mr. Simpson, you don't have to speak with an accent to impress me" Sue Ellen said, "Lisa mentioned you weren't British."

"Oh, thank God!" Homer exclaimed in his real voice "I had to watch a bunch of _Doctor Who _episodes to perfect my accent. Man does that show suck!"

"So Sue Ellen, what do your parents do?" Marge asked.

"My mom's a homemaker, but my dad's a diplomat" the girl explained "so I've lived all around the world. I was living in Costa Rica before I moved to Elwood City."

"How exotic" Marge replied "we visited Brazil, but our trip wasn't that great."

"I'm sorry to hear that" Sue Ellen replied, "so Mr. Simpson, Lisa tells me you're an electrician."

"Pfft, I wish" Homer replied "no, I'm the supervisor of the new nuclear plant."

"My dad says that plant is dangerous" Sue Ellen commented "he told me that one meltdown could destroy the whole city."

"Probably" Homer replied "but there hasn't been a meltdown on my watch."

"There's been a bunch of near-meltdowns though," Bart added.

"Big deal, nobody died" Homer said.

Marge quickly decided to change the subject "anyway, while I was at the supermarket, I met the nicest woman. She's an accountant, and her husband's a caterer."

"A caterer?" Homer asked, "ooh, maybe we could get him to cater our next dinner party!"

"Homer, we don't have dinner parties."

"So, we'll invite a few losers together, then call him. I hope he knows how to make ham wrapped in bacon, that's my favorite."

"So anyway, this woman has a son about Lisa's age. So since Bart hasn't made any friends since we moved, I set him up on a play date tomorrow. Isn't that exciting sweetie?"

"Aw, mom why are you always setting up play dates with losers?" Bart asked.

"I thought you'd have fun" Marge replied "her son sounds like a very nice kid, and you could use some good influences, following your little food fight incident."

"Your mother's right boy" Homer added.

"Screw that."

"Why you little!" Homer yelled, and choked Bart, forgetting that they had a guest at the table.

"Homer, ixnay on the okingchay" Marge said.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Homer asked, and then remembered Sue Ellen was there "oh, my bad." He quickly released Bart; "you shouldn't use that type of language at the table son."

"Bite me."

"Why you little!"

* * *

The night wore on and soon the girls were preparing for bed. As they brushed their teeth, Lisa approached her friend.

"Look, I just want to apologize for what happened at the dinner table" she said "most of the time my family isn't so weird."

"It's okay" Sue Ellen replied.

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Well then, OK" Lisa replied and went back to brushing. _Wow, I thought for sure she'd be freaked out by dad's actions, but I guess not. Maybe I was worried about nothing. _

* * *

After a breakfast of pancakes and cereal, Marge drove the girls to school. Lisa was amazed that Sue Ellen said nothing about witnessing Bart being choked the previous night, but figured the girl knew it meant nothing.

But at lunch, it was a different tale.

"So he said 'why you little!' and started choking him" Sue Ellen explained "and then he only stopped when Mrs. Simpson told him to. Then he did it again, and something tells me this isn't the first time."

"What an awful man!" Muffy said "no wonder that kid is a brat. He's just acting out to cover his pain, or at least, that's what Dr. Bill said on last week's Hoprah."

"I can't believe Lisa would have an abusive father" Brain added, "why didn't she tell us about this?"

"I don't know, maybe she's scared" Sue Ellen replied "but we have to do something to get her away from that monster."

"We should tell Principal Haney, and our parents" Fern suggested.

"Good, and I'll talk to Lisa later" Sue Ellen added, "maybe I can convince her to speak out."

"You're such a good friend" Fern replied.

"I know."

* * *

The end of school came quicker than expected, and Arthur talked with Buster as they waited outside.

"So my mom set up a play date with that new kid with the spiky hair" Arthur said "and I'm really worried, cause I think he's gonna wreck my stuff."

"Just keep a close eye on him and don't let him near anything he could take home to the mothership" Buster instructed.

Suddenly, Bart appeared "hey, what are you guys talking about?"

"Nothing" Buster said, "certainly not any evil alien plans."

"I'm not an alien, long ears" Bart replied.

"I didn't say you were" Buster replied nervously "um, I gotta go Arthur, tell me how things work out" he added, before rushing off.

"So, I guess we'll be playing together later" Arthur said.

"I guess so."

"Do you like Bionic Bunny?"

"What the hell is that?"

Before Arthur could answer his mother pulled up. The two kids entered the car, with Bart getting in the back with D.W.

"Who's this kid?" she asked.

"I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?"

"Mom, he said a bad word!"

"Let's just try to be nice to our new guest" Mrs. Read said "and Bart, I don't like that kind of language around my kids."

"Damn it!" Bart replied.

"Mom!" D.W. yelled.

Mrs. Read only sighed.

* * *

Eventually they made it to the Read home, where Arthur & D.W. fought over the remote.

"It's my TV time, you got it yesterday!" D.W. said.

"So, I should get it again today!" Arthur added.

"Hey, shouldn't the guest get to choose the program?" Bart asked.

"I guess…"

"Great" Bart replied, snatching the remote and turning to Krusty.

"What's this?" Arthur asked.

"You're telling me you've never heard of Krusty the clown?"

"Not really."

"Ooh, I like clowns!" D.W. said, "can I watch?"

"I don't care" Bart replied.

"Well kids, looks like O.J's in the news again" Krusty said "with all his legal troubles, he should change his name to "Oh-no J." The clown waited for laughter from his audience, but there was none.

"What do you kids know about humor? You all think Spongebob is funny" Krusty replied "just enjoy Itchy & Scratchy ya bunch of humorless putzes."

After the opening title, the Itchy & Scratchy episode "Cleaving Las Vegas" came on. Scratchy was in a casino, staffed by various mice, and playing the slot machine. He pulled the lever and the machine came on three cherries and spilled out several coins.

"It must be my lucky day," he said, as he pulled the lever again. This time, he got three bells and even more money.

"This machine's really paying off" Scratchy said and pulled the lever a third time. This time, he got three Itchy heads.

"Huh?"

Before Scratchy could figure out what that meant, Itchy emerged from the machine, knife in hand.

"Jackpot!" he said, before stabbing Scratchy repeatedly in the chest. As the cat stumbled around with his wounds, he bumped into a dog playing craps and knocked off his throw. The dog growled and proceeded to beat up the hapless cat. He then tossed him into the roulette wheel, where he spun around and around, until landing on a nearby table. Itchy grabbed a sign that said "free buffet", resulting in the other patrons eating him.

Back in the Read living room, Bart laughed at the scene, while Arthur was more repulsed. D.W., meanwhile, ran out of the room screaming.

"Mom, mom, mom!" she yelled "the mouse, he killed the cat and people ate him and it was scary and…"

"What on Earth are you talking about?" Mrs. Read asked.

After a few minutes, the woman came into the living room with D.W. in tow.

"Young man, you may be a guest in our house, but I don't allow my children to watch violent programs" Mrs. Read began "either watch something else or you're not watching TV."

"Fine" Bart grumbled "hey four-eyes, you got a Nintendo or something?"

"Yeah" Arthur answered "have you ever played 'Dark Bunny: Curse of the Moomy'?"

"What is it with you kids and bunnies?" Bart asked as he left with Arthur.

* * *

Arthur: D.W. may be annoying, but making her watch that show was mean.

Bart: Hey it's just a cartoon man. Kids know stuff on cartoons isn't real. You don't see real kids making other kids' parents into chili or beating up giant chickens, or living in a world where everything is nice and nothing bad ever happens.

Arthur: That's true, I guess. (Angrily) Hey! Were you implying that nothing bad ever happens to us?

Bart: Ya got that right.

Arthur: Bad things happen all the time. Like when Buster moved away for a few months. Or when the Sugar Bowl was nearly destroyed. Or when there was a fire at school.

Bart: Let me ask you something, you ever have your city declared a disaster area and covered with a huge dome?

Arthur: No…not really.

Bart: Then shut it. Anyway, next time, Homer's accused of being an abusive dad,and finds out what it's like to live in a city without booze.

Arthur: Plus my family visits for dinner. That can't be good.

Bart: So read and review.


	5. Beer and party plans

"I hope Bart wasn't too much trouble" Marge said to Mrs. Read, as she picked her son up.

"Actually, he did swear a few times in front of my children" Mrs. Read explained "and he let D.W. watch a very violent show."

Marge made a disapproving murmur "I'll talk to him" she said "anyway, I hope his actions won't prevent you and your family from coming to visit us this weekend. Homer's really been looking forward to meeting David."

"We'll think about it" Mrs. Read said.

After they were in the car, Marge turned to her son. "Bart, what you did was very bad" she said.

"Jeez mom, all she did was watch _Itchy & Scratchy_" Bart said "me and Lis do all the time and we're not bothered by it."

"That's because you're used to it" Marge explained "besides, that girl's younger than you."

"It's just a cartoon mom, she'll get over it."

"Maybe" Marge murmured "so, how was the rest of your day?"

"Not too bad" Bart replied "that Arthur kid's kinda nerdy. He reminds me a lot of Milhouse."

"Good, maybe the two of you will become best friends."

"He's already got a best friend" Bart said "some rabbit kid who's into aliens."

"People can have more than one best friend" Marge explained "look at your father. He has Barney, and Lenny, and Carl, yet he's never had to choose between them. Now, promise me you'll be good if the Reads come over."

"Okay" Bart said "but I can't vouch for Homer."

* * *

Speaking of Homer, he was wrapping up his shift at the Elwood City nuclear plant.

"Good work today guys" Homer said to his crew, who included an aardvark, crocodile, and dog man "you guys wanna go out and get a beer?"

"Where would we do that?" asked Ted, the crocodile man "there aren't any taverns in town."

Homer's scream could be heard for several miles.

* * *

Back in Springfield, Moe Syzlak was wiping down his counter as his usual customers enjoyed beer, when the phone rang.

"Moe's tavern."

"Moe, ya gotta help me!" came Homer's frantic voice.

"Hey ya Homer, how's life in that new city ya moved to?" Moe asked, "and how come ya never called or wrote?"

"Listen to me Moe, there's no place around here to get drunk! I need your help!"

"No place to get drunk?" Moe replied, astonished "I'll be right there." He hung up the phone and looked at the bar denizens "listen up guys, that was Homer. He said there's no booze in that place he moved to."

"No booze? Man I'm glad I don't live there" Barney replied.

"I'm going over there ta help him, so the bar is officially closed."

"Can we come with ya?" Lenny asked.

"Yeah, we were gonna watch _Dancing with the Stars_, but Homer's our friend and needs our help" Carl added.

"Fine whatever" Moe replied "to the Moe mobile!"

"You mean your Plymouth?" Barney asked.

"Shut up and get out there."

* * *

A half-hour later, Moe had established a portable tavern in Homer's garage and Homer was happily ingesting a beer.

"Thanks for coming out all this way Moe" he said.

"No problem" Moe replied "I couldn't let my best customer stay sober, now could I?"

"I thought I was your best customer" Barney said.

"It ain't a contest Barn" Moe replied.

"Hey Homer, I don't know if it's the beer, but the people of this city look like animals" Lenny added.

"They are" Homer replied "it freaked me out when I first came here. It's like what that Darwin guy was talking about, with origins and species and stuff."

"Maybe they're like, mutant hybrids or something" Carl theorized "ya know, like they were genetically bred in a lab, but escaped."

"Yeah, and now they seek acceptance from a society that shuns them" Lenny added.

"All I know is, I figure I got a better chance with an animal chick then I do with a real woman" Moe said, "I'm gonna see if I can make it with a rabbit babe, cause…well you know."

"Maybe I'll try that" Carl added, "it couldn't hurt."

"Unless you got a panther or tiger or something" Lenny suggested.

* * *

Meanwhile, over at the Read house, D.W. was having trouble sleeping, due to the events of the previous afternoon.

"I can't get it out of my head Nadine" she said, "I can still see that mouse hurting that poor cat."

"It was a just a TV show D.W., it wasn't real" Nadine explained.

"Then why can't I forget it?" D.W. asked.

"Just try and go to sleep, and I'm sure you'll forget all about it" Nadine suggested.

D.W. did so and eventually began to dream.

She was in a field full of flowers and unicorns and danced happily. Then her friend Mary Moo Cow came to join her.

"Hello D.W." Mary said "I have a fun surprise for you. Can you spell 'surprise'?"

"No, but I'll take it anyway" D.W. responded.

"Okay" Mary said, and reached behind her head, yanking down a zipper and revealing herself to be…Itchy.

"Can you spell 'stab?'" the maniacal mouse asked, brandishing a sharp knife.

D.W. screamed as loud as she could, then heard the familiar voice of her mother.

"D.W., are you all right?"

Happy to see that she was back in her bed, the little girl hugged her mom tight.

"Mommy, I had a horrible dream about that mouse from that show" she explained.

"It's all right dear, it was only a dream" Mrs. Read said.

"But I can't stop thinking about it. I think I'm dramatized."

"You mean 'traumatized', and I'm sure you'll forget about it in a few days" Mrs. Read replied "now go back to bed."

D.W. reluctantly complied as her mother left the room.

* * *

The next day at school, Lisa was confronted by Sue Ellen before she even made it inside.

"If we don't hurry, we'll be late for class" Lisa explained.

"This is more important" Sue Ellen replied "look Lisa, you're a good friend and I don't want to see you hurt."

"Okay."

"What I don't understand is, why did you feel you needed to hide this from me?"

"Hide what from you?" a puzzled Lisa asked.

"That your father was abusive."

"What!" Lisa exclaimed "I think you've got your facts wrong…"

"I know what I saw" Sue Ellen replied "and I saw your dad choking Bart."

"The thing with that is…" Lisa began.

"You don't have to lie to cover for him anymore" Sue Ellen said, "I talked to Principal Haney and he's agreed to help you get out of there. You just have to tell him everything."

"There's nothing to tell" Lisa said "look, Sue Ellen, I know you were only trying to help, but trust me, my dad is not abusive. He strangles Bart way too often, I know, but Bart doesn't seem to mind. And don't you think, if my dad _were_ abusive, that being as smart as I am I would've gotten out years ago?"

"I guess."

"Then believe me when I tell you that my dad is a good man. He can be a little uncouth and embarrassing at times, but he has never hit me or my siblings."

"I feel so stupid" Sue Ellen replied.

"It's all right, you were just looking out for me" Lisa said, "now, let's talk to Principal Haney and get this matter cleared up."

"Um, it might not be that easy" Sue Ellen began, "see, he wasn't the only one I told."

"Who else did you mention it to?"

"Our whole class."

"Swell" Lisa replied.

* * *

So for the rest of the day, Lisa's classmates kept telling her how sorry they were for her, forcing her to explain things to them. After the misunderstanding was cleared up, the kids discussed a new topic with Lisa: Bart's antics.

"I don't like your brother" Fern said, as they walked down the hallway "he asked me if I ever had rabies and bit anyone."

"And he told me my shoes were untied" Binky said, "so I bent down to tie them, and he made a noise like I farted. And it turns out my shoes were tied the whole time."

"He drew all over my copy of 'Henry Skreever & the Chalice of Malice'" Prunella added, "tonight I'm going to ask the spirits to curse him."

"It's hard to believe someone that mean can have a sister who's so nice" Muffy added.

"I know Bart can be a little mischievous, but he can also be very sweet, once in a while" Lisa replied.

"Sue Ellen told me your father was supervisor of the new nuclear plant" Brain interrupted.

"So?"

"I think the concept of Elwood City needing a nuclear plant is flawed" Brain continued "our existing systems were more than adequate to satisfy our power needs. A nuclear plant is more powerful, and better for the environment, but there is the frequent potential for meltdowns if the nuclear core isn't properly maintained."

"I don't know what you just said, but my daddy says that nuclear power is a good thing" Muffy replied.

"You make a good point Alan" Lisa said, ignoring Muffy. _A very good one, in fact. Elwood City doesn't seem like the type of place that even needs a nuclear plant. So why build one here? Something doesn't add up._

"Lisa, if you're done thinking, I wanted to know if you'd like to join me and Francine after school" Muffy said, "we could stop at the mall and maybe do something about that hideous dress of yours."

"Thanks for the offer, but I'm used to this dress" Lisa replied.

"All right, but if you want to constantly be seen in that fashion disaster, that's your business" Muffy replied.

"Leave her alone Muffy" Francine replied "so Lisa, you play any sports?"

"No, I'm afraid I'm no good at any sports. Well, except hockey & soccer, but there was some unpleasantness involved in both."

"You should play soccer with us after school" Francine suggested "pretty much the whole 3rd grade plays, but me and Brain are the best."

"Well it would be nice to play soccer in a non-competitive setting" Lisa added "or without my dad headbutting people."

* * *

Much later, it was dinner at the Read house, and Mrs. Read soon broke the monotony.

"So I got a call from Marge Simpson today, and she was wondering when we would be able to come over" she began.

"Tell her never!" D.W. shouted "if we go, we'll have to deal with that spiky-haired kid."

"Sue Ellen told me the father chokes Bart" Arthur added "although his sister Lisa told me that it wasn't true."

"I like Marge, but it seems we're not crazy about the rest of her family" Mrs. Read replied.

"I'm sure they can't be that bad" Mr. Read chimed in, "let's visit them this Sunday and see for ourselves. We don't want to seem unneighborly."

"I guess if they made Lisa they can't be all bad" Arthur added.

"Okay, I'll go, but I'm not watching Krummy the clown" D.W. said, crossing her arms in disgust.

* * *

At that moment, the Simpson family was sitting down to dinner as well.

"So kids, how was school?" Marge asked.

"Great, the bullies there are so stupid, I tricked one of 'em into thinking his shoes were untied, then made it seem like he farted" Bart said "I think his name was Dinky or something."

"It's Binky, I know cause he's in my class" Lisa replied "and that was very mean of you. He may seem mean, but his friends tell me he actually enjoys many admirable pursuits and hobbies."

"I can't believe you hang out with those geeks" Bart said.

"They're not geeks!" Lisa shouted "they're wonderful kids with unique personalities and dreams."

"Sounds geeky to me."

"So how was your day Lisa?" Marge asked.

"Wonderful. I played soccer after school, and I didn't fall once. I did get hit with the ball a few times and someone accidentally pushed me, but other than that…"

"You need me to come and ref any of your games sweetie?" Homer asked.

"That's okay dad, thankfully, they have a referee" Lisa replied.

Just then, the phone rang. Marge got up to answer it. "Hello? Oh hello Jane! Uh-huh, yes Sunday is good for us. You can come around 2:00. Bring anything? Maybe just some appetizers. Okay, bye."

"Who was that, a telemarketer?" Homer asked.

"No, that was Jane Read. I invited her family to come over and she accepted. They'll be coming over on Sunday."

"Is that the lady with the caterer for a husband."

"Uh-huh."

"Ohhh! And you didn't ask him to bring over any shrimp, or cheese puffs, or bacon wrapped ham? Mmmm, bacon wrapped ham" Homer said, drooling as he did.

"Now Bart, I want you to be nice to Arthur and his younger sister" Marge ordered "no stunts like the one you pulled a few days ago."

"Okay" Bart said, "besides, he'll be playing with my cool stuff."

* * *

Arthur: I'm not looking forward to my family visiting your family.

Bart: Relax man, it'll be cool. Unless Homeboy is drunk, then all bets are off.

Arthur: I don't think I've ever met anyone who drinks.

Bart: That's cause you're a lame square. You gotta get out there and live man. Put a whoopie cushion on someone's chair, spray some guy with a fire extinguisher, tell your principal to "eat my shorts."

Arthur: But Principal Haney's so nice.

Bart: Man, you're a pansy. Anyway, next time, Arthur and his family visits our house and learns just exactly who the hell the Simpsons are.

Arthur: Plus Lisa & Sue Ellen investigate the nuclear plant and discover its' shocking secret.

Bart: And it ain't that it failed kindergarten. Read and review, or I'll send Milhouse to bug you.

Milhouse: And I've got cooties. Oh, and cholera.


	6. My Dinner with Arthur

Sunday eventually came and the Read family showed up at the Simpsons' doorstep.

"They certainly have a nice house" Mr. Read commented.

Mrs. Read rang the doorbell and Marge answered it.

"Jane, so nice to see you again!" she said happily "You must be David. My husband has been waiting to meet you all day. And you two must be Arthur and little D.W."

"What's up with your hair?" D.W. asked.

"Such an inquisitive little kid" Marge said, "well come in, come in."

The Reads entered and took in the sights of the Simpson house. Then Homer entered the room and headed straight for Mr. Read.

"You the caterer?"

"Yes."

"Great, can you make me two dozen shrimp and some ham wrapped in bacon. Oh and put it on toothpicks."

"Homer, the Reads are guests in our house, they don't need to do any work" Marge replied.

"What's the use of inviting a caterer over if he won't make me any food?" Homer grumbled as he shuffled off to the kitchen.

"Look Maggie, another baby for you to play with" Marge said, as she set her down next to Kate "now you two play nice."

After the two mothers left, Kate turned to Maggie "hi, remember me from the grocery store?" she asked.

Suck suck suck suck suck suck.

"I see" Kate replied.

Meanwhile, Arthur was showing Pal off to Bart.

"I hope you don't mind that I brought my dog" Arthur said, "he's really talented though."

"He looks kinda runty" Bart replied "now Santa's Little Helper, he's a dog. Come here boy, come to Bart."

The greyhound bounded into the room and licked Bart's face.

"Okay boy, sit" SLH did nothing, "um, beg, roll-over. Stand there and do nothing! Good boy."

"I don't think you have him trained very well" Arthur replied.

"He's fine, he's just a little tired" Bart responded "hey, wanna come up to my room? I got some cool junk."

"Okay" Arthur replied, "be good Pal, I'll be right back."

As soon as the boys left, Pal turned to the greyhound. "Nice to meet you" Pal said, "always nice to have a new dog in the neighborhood."

"I'll say" SLH replied, "now I finally have a new butt to sniff. Speaking of which, may I?"

"Be my guest" Pal replied "so, your boy, the spiky haired one, is he a good master?"

"Yeah, he feeds me pretty well. So does the fat guy."

"Arthur is always feeding me off his plate" Pal said, "just last week in fact, he…cat!"

The yellow dog quickly set after the black cat with the blue collar, who promptly hightailed it for the couch.

"Easy there" SLH said "that's Snowball II, she lives here."

"You live with a cat?" Pal asked, astonished, "how horrible!"

"She's not so bad" SLH replied "and anyway, she's mainly the girl's pet."

"That's correct" Snowball II added, emerging from the couch "I'd say it's nice to meet you, but under the circumstances…"

"Forgive me, it's just, I've never met a dog and cat that lived together" Pal said "we are supposed to be natural enemies."

"We're also not supposed to be able to talk" SLH added.

"Good point. Are there, any other animals around here I should know of?" Pal wondered.

"We had a pig, but I'm not sure what became of him" SLH replied.

* * *

Meanwhile, Lisa decided to approach her counterpart in the Read family, D.W.

"Hello there, what's your name?"

"I'm D.W. Your hair is pointy. Why do all of you have weird hair?"

"What does D.W. stand for?" Lisa asked, ignoring her question.

"Dora Winifred, but my mom only calls me that when I get in trouble."

"Would you mind if I called you Dora?" Lisa asked.

"If you want to."

"So Dora, do you like music?"

"Yup, have you ever heard 'Crazy Bus'?" D.W. asked, "it's my favorite."

"I'm not familiar with that one" Lisa said "perhaps you'd like to hear a jazz tune."

"What's jazz?"

"Well, it's not really something that can be put into words" Lisa explained "but if you come upstairs, I can show you."

"Okay, but this better not be boring" D.W. replied.

* * *

"You sure have some neat stuff in here" Arthur said, as he admired Bart's room.

"Yeah, it does have its' own little charm, doesn't it" Bart said smugly.

"You must really like that clown guy, you have him everywhere."

"You mean Krusty? Yeah, he's my idol, even if he is rather surly and never answers his fan mail. It's like you and Bionic Bunny."

"Not really, I mean Bionic Bunny is a superhero, not a clown" Arthur replied, "and besides, he could wipe the floor with Krusty."

"Maybe, but I don't think he'd stand a chance against, Radioactive Man!" Bart said, pulling out a RM comic.

"Is that your favorite superhero?" Arthur asked.

"Damn straight" Bart replied "Radioactive Man is the best."

"Not as good as Bionic Bunny."

"Yeah right" Bart said "he's _Radioactive Man, _as in nuclear power."

"So?"

"So, he could melt bunny boy's bionics and serve him on a plate of rice."

"Could not!"

"Could so!"

"Could not!"

"Could so!"

From her room, Lisa could hear the two boys arguing and sighed, "some things never change, I guess."

D.W. nodded "yeah, Arthur's always arguing about something stupid."

"Bart's the same way" Lisa said, "now then, prepare to hear the greatness that is Ella Fitzgerald."

Lisa played the girl a small jazz selection on her sax. Soon it was dinner and the two families sat down to eat. Marge had prepared a dinner of turkey (with vegetables for Lisa), accompanied by a casserole that the Reads had brought.

"How come you're not having any turkey?" D.W. asked.

"I'm a vegetarian" Lisa explained.

"You're one of those people that heals animals?"

"No that's a 'veterinarian'. A vegetarian is someone who doesn't eat meat."

"Why? Is it 'cause they're stupid?"

"D.W.!" her mother exclaimed.

"I'm just wondering, I mean, vegetables are yucky, so why would somebody want to eat them all the time? Sounds pretty stupid to me."

"That's what I said" Homer replied, "but she's all, 'but dad, I don't want to see the animals suffer' or some crap. But even though we don't agree with her, we support her."

"And I appreciate it" Lisa added.

"And I'm gonna puke" Bart chimed in.

"Why you little!" Homer exclaimed, stopping himself short only after he realized there were guests present.

"What's wrong Homer? Were you going to do something?" Bart asked mockingly "not that you could, seeing how fat you are."

"Why you little!"

"Uh Homer, why don't you tell the Reads all about your fabulous job at the plant?" Marge said quickly.

"It is pretty great" Homer said, "I'm the boss for once, so everyone has to do what I say. And I can sleep at my desk and eat doughnuts if I want." He eyed his guests after saying so, "not that I do that."

"So, you'd say you're a pretty competent boss?" Mr. Read asked.

"You betcha" Homer said, "otherwise Mr. Burns, he's the guy that owns the plant, wouldn't have put me in charge. He told me so every time he stops by."

"Wait, Mr. Burns keeps visiting the plant?" Lisa asked.

"Yup, almost every day" Homer explained "I guess he wants to make sure I'm doing a good job."

"Or he wants to see if you let the place go to pot" Bart added.

"Why you little!" Homer yelled, this time actually strangling Bart. After a few minutes, he looked at his guests and replied "this isn't what it looks like."

* * *

After dinner and some casual talk, the Read family were on their way home.

"Well, that was eventful" Mr. Read said.

"Now David, they do have some quirks" Mrs. Read added, "but Marge and I get along so well. And Kate & baby Maggie seemed to be connecting."

"I just don't like that Homer guy" Mr. Read said, "everything about him rubs me the wrong way. How could someone so…crude sire a nice daughter like Lisa?"

"I'll agree that wasn't my favorite dinner party" Mrs. Read replied "but they are our neighbors and we should be nice to them."

"I guess."

"Bart's not too bad, I guess" Arthur said, "growing up with a father like that, I can see why he acts out. But his taste in superheroes is just wrong."

"That's the spirit" Mrs. Read replied, "at school tomorrow, try to include Bart in on your activities. I'm sure he'll appreciate it."

"Okay" Arthur replied "maybe he could teach me some new games."

* * *

The next day, Arthur approached Bart as he played on the swings.

"So Bart, I was thinking, you and I don't hang out enough" he began "maybe we could do something together. But nothing that would get us in trouble."

"Yeah why not" Bart said, "so what do you wanna do?"

"Do you want to play checkers?"

"No offense, but that's for nerds" Bart said "boys like me play cool games, like 'guns' or 'heavy artillery.'

"Okay, teach me how to play that" Arthur said.

"It's easy, you run around and act like your fingers are guns" Bart said, demonstrating.

"Okay" Arthur replied nervously, and soon the two boys were running around the playground, pretending to shoot people.

"What's up with Arthur?" Buster wondered, as he and the other boys watched from nearby.

"He appears to be participating in a fantasy game involving simulated violence" Brain replied.

"Looks to me like he's pretending to shoot people" Binky responded.

* * *

After recess, Bart & Arthur went inside to return to their classes.

"I have to admit, that was kind of fun" Arthur said, "hey, you want to come to the Sugar Bowl after school?"

"Don't know what that is, but I can't say no to sugar" Bart replied.

And so, when school ended Bart accompanied Arthur and crew to the Sugar Bowl, ordering a large milkshake.

"We have a place like this in our town too" Bart said "but I don't visit it after school and the prices are way higher."

"What do you think of Earth ice cream?" Buster asked.

"Look long ears, I'm gonna tell you this for the last time, I'm not an alien!" Bart said.

"You'll have to excuse Buster" Arthur said, "he's really into aliens, he thinks they're involved in pretty much everything."

"Listen, thanks for being so nice to me" Bart replied, "I know I don't deserve it, seeing how mean I've been to you guys."

"That's okay" Arthur said, "we're the kind of kids who forgive and forget, right guys?"

"Yeah, don't worry about it" George replied.

"That farting thing was pretty funny" Binky added.

"And you are a pretty cool alien" Buster chimed in.

"You don't hear real well, do you?" Bart asked.

"Huh? I couldn't hear you, I was enjoying my ice cream" Buster replied.

"Ay Carumba!"

* * *

Arthur: I'm glad we finally became friends.

Bart: Yeah, yeah, don't get all gay on me. Although, come to think of it…

Arthur: Come on, that's not nice! I'm not…that way, I just think girls are icky.

Bart: Whatever gets you through the night. Anyway, in the next chapter, Lis pulls a Lois Lane and investigates the power plant, and learns what old bonebag Burns is up to.

Arthur: And I learn a shocking secret about Sue Ellen.

Bart: It's probably that she's a guy.

Arthur: No it isn't!

Bart: Come on, she's flatter than the American midwest. (Laughs) Oh man, I gotta start writing these down (laughs again).

Arthur: Ignore his crude comments and read and review.


	7. Nancy Sue & Lisa Lane

After their trip to the Sugar Bowl, Arthur took Bart up to the treehouse.

"I didn't know you had one of these" Bart said, "I had one back at the old house. Man, did I have some good times in there."

"Technically, none of us own the treehouse" Arthur explained "it belongs to all of us."

"That's lame" Bart said "if you owned it, then you could make the others pay rent."

"We tried that once, but all that happened was that everyone tried to start their own club."

"Hey, we could start a club" Bart said, "we could get all the boys together and then chuck water balloons at the girls? Sound like fun?"

"Bart, I was wondering" Arthur began, ignoring him, "do you act the way you do because of, you know, the whole strangling thing?"

"Nope, I've pretty much always been this way" Bart replied "and maybe Homeboy strangles me one too many times, but that's just his way of punishing me. It actually beats being spanked."

"I just can't believe you take this so well" Arthur said, "I've never known anyone who treats their son like that."

"Just forget about it, okay?" Bart said, "I don't care about it, and neither should you. Hey, you want to go read comics?"

"Okay" Arthur replied "maybe I'll even read one of your 'Radioactive Man' issues."

"And maybe I'll read 'Bionic Bunny'" Bart added, "but I probably won't, cause he sucks donkeys."

-----

While the two boys did that, Lisa met with the girls to discuss her suspicions about the plant.

"Something just doesn't add up" Lisa told them, "Mr. Burns should be overseeing the plant back in Springfield, so why does he keep visiting the plant here?"

"Who cares?" Muffy asked, "if he owns the plant he can visit it as many times as he wants. Now then, who's up for beauty makeovers?"

"The whole idea of a nuclear plant being built seemed a little suspicious" Fern said, "my mom was having trouble selling houses, because nobody wants to live near it."

"This would make a great story for the Frensky Star" Francine said, "unfortunately, I have hockey practice."

"I'd love to help you solve the mystery, but my parents expect me at home for supper" Fern added.

"I can talk to the spirits and see if they know anything" Prunella offered "but they probably don't."

"I'm not sure why I was invited here" Jenna said, "I don't really care about the plant one way or another."

After most of the girls had left, Lisa turned to Sue Ellen "I have to figure out what's going on" she said "so I'm going to the plant."

"I'll go with you" Sue Ellen said "you're my new friend and I can't let anything happen to you."

"I appreciate that, but it's not like we'll end up in life-threatening peril or anything."

"Well, I'll still come anyway" Sue Ellen replied "but will they really let two eight-year olds in there?"

"If the security is anything like it was at the Springfield plant, I don't think we'll have a problem getting in" Lisa said.

-----

The two girls soon pedaled their bikes to the nuclear plant. Sue Ellen was amazed by the size of the place.

"Wow, I haven't seen a building this big since I visited France" she said, before noticing the gates "I hate to burst your bubble, but the gate is closed."

"But not locked" Lisa said, pushing them open. They noticed a guardhouse nearby, but the lone sentry was distracted by his TV.

"Somebody sure needs to kill Rosie O'Donnell" he commented, "maybe we should hire Blackwater to do that."

"Excuse me sir" Lisa began "my dad works at the plant, and I was just coming to deliver some food for him…"

"Fine, whatever" the guard, said, not caring. He raised the guardrail and the two girls made their way towards the plant.

"This is so exciting!" Sue Ellen said, as the girls headed toward the main doors "I feel like I'm in a spy movie. The only thing that would make this better is if Art…" she suddenly caught herself in mid-sentence.

"What were you about to say?" Lisa asked.

"Nothing" Sue Ellen replied nervously "let's just get inside."

"It surprises me how easy two girls can wander around a powerful nuclear plant without an alarm being raised" Lisa said, as the girls headed to the elevator "I pray terrorists never gain access to this place."

"I don't see many employees" Sue Ellen commented, before they entered the elevator.

"It is close to quitting time" Lisa said, "the majority of them have probably gone home. Let's see, if I know Mr. Burns, his office will be on the top floor" she said, pushing the necessary button.

"So, what's this Burns guys like?" Sue Ellen asked.

"Let me put it this way; if evil had a physical form, it would be Montgomery Burns" Lisa replied.

"That might scare a normal person, but I'm fearless…mostly" Sue Ellen replied.

"Good, you'll need that against Burns" Lisa said.

The elevator stopped and the girls exited. They found themselves standing in front of a huge pair of doors. On them was a nameplate that read "C. Montgomery Burns, owner. Poor people please use doggy door."

"Ready?" Lisa asked.

"Wait, we're just going to burst into his office?" Sue Ellen asked.

"Why not? I am the daughter of one of his employees" Lisa replied.

As the girl neared the door, she could hear Burns inside.

"Everything is going according to plan Smithers" he said "by tomorrow, this city will be nothing but a mere memory."

Lisa gasped in horror.

"What's wrong?" Sue Ellen asked.

"Listen for yourself" Lisa instructed. The cat girl pressed one of her ears to the door, as Burns continued.

"Only I could come up with a plan as ingenious as this" he said, "building this nuclear plant in a small city that obviously didn't need one. Then hiring that buffoon, whose name I can't remember, to run it. And by saving on a few things, like quality construction, I pocketed a healthy 5 million for myself. Of course, that means the faulty reactor will eventually explode and destroy everyone, but that's life."

"Sir, wouldn't it have been easier to build the plant up to code?" Smithers asked.

"Oh sure Smithers, why don't I just build everything up to code?" Burns asked angrily "I don't need fancy things like a Model-T, or the frozen body of Cary Grant."

"I was wondering why you had that" Smithers replied.

"Besides, no one will miss this little burg, with its' annoying do-gooder population. It's like living in Mister Rogers Neighborhood or something. And who cares if a few thousand animal-like people are killed? They're abominations anyway, Darwinism run amok. Frankly, I'll be doing the world a favor by wiping them out."

"Did you hear that?" Lisa asked, "we have to inform everybody!"

Sue Ellen heard her, but instead threw open the doors and marched into Burns' office, an angry look on her face.

"How dare you!" she shouted, "you're willing to eliminate an entire town of good people to line your pockets? You're a disgusting, heartless old man, and I'm going to see to it that you're stopped!"

"Heh heh, hi" Lisa added, waving nervously from the open hallway.

"So, it appears some meddling Bobbsey Twins have overheard my master plan" Burns said, "Smithers, kill them!"

"I don't feel comfortable killing a pair of 8 year olds sir" Smithers replied.

"Bah! Then do you know anyone who does?"

"Nick in accounting. He's an ex-con."

"Excellent" Burns said, tenting his fingers.

-----

Soon Lisa and Sue Ellen found themselves tied up and tossed into a nearly empty room.

"I'll have someone finish you off later" Burns said from the doorway, "in the meantime, I'm off to dinner. Don't come up with a clever scheme to escape while I'm gone."

"Sir, wouldn't it have made sense to kill them immediately?" Smithers asked.

"I don't like committing major acts of evil before supper" Burns replied "now, let's see if there's a place around here that serves filet mignon."

After the two left and locked the door, both girls began to struggle against their bonds, but to no avail.

"Sue Ellen, do you have any slack?" Lisa asked.

"Nope. Hey, maybe we can try to untie our own bonds" she suggested.

"It's worth a shot" Lisa said. She worked her way over to Sue Ellen as well as her bound feet would allow, and her fingers searched for the knot of the wrist ropes, but she couldn't locate it.

"That's not going to work" Lisa said.

"Now what?"

"I don't know" Lisa said "I suppose we could try screaming for help, but if we had anything to gain by doing that, Burns would've gagged us."

"So this is it" Sue Ellen began "this is how my life ends."

"Don't say that!" Lisa said, "we'll figure a way out of this."

"You're lucky, you've done so much with your life" Sue Ellen replied "even had several boyfriends. I've never even kissed Art…er, any boy."

"Were you about to say someone's name?" Lisa asked.

"No" Sue Ellen replied nervously.

"You might as well tell me, seeing as we might not be getting out of here for a while."

Sue Ellen sighed "okay, the truth is, I have a crush on Arthur. I developed it in the summer, but every time I try to tell him, I freeze up. I'm worried that if I tell him, and he doesn't feel the same way, then it'll make our friendship weird, you know?"

"If we get out of this, you should tell him" Lisa said "who knows, maybe he does like you. But you can't keep this to yourself forever."

"You're right" Sue Ellen replied, "now I really hope we get out of here."

"Maybe I could find something sharp to cut our bonds with…" Lisa began.

"I work hard for the money. So hard for the money. So gimme some money so I can buy new pants."

"What the? Who's singing?" Sue Ellen asked.

"I'd recognize those made up lyrics anywhere" Lisa said, "it's my dad! But how?" She quickly scanned the room and noticed a vent. "Of course! That vent must lead to his office!"

"Maybe he could help us" Sue Ellen suggested.

"Okay, yell as loudly as you can, and maybe he'll hear you" Lisa ordered.

The two girls then began to yell as loudly as they could. Up in his office, Homer could hear voices.

"What's that?" he said "oh no, what if it's God?" Quickly he dropped to his knees "forgive me lord!" he said "I don't know how that _Playdude _ended up under my bed, I swear! Smite the boy instead, he's done way worse things."

"Dad! Dad!" came the voice.

"Lisa, you're God?" Homer asked, "I thought you were a Buddhist."

"Dad listen to me, Sue Ellen and I are tied up somewhere in the plant" Lisa explained "you have to come get us before Mr. Burns comes back!"

"Don't worry honey, daddy's coming!" Homer shouted, running out of his office. He quickly returned to grab a donut, then ran off again.

"Now what?" Sue Ellen asked.

"Now, we wait" Lisa replied.

-----

"Don't worry Lisa, daddy's coming!" Homer said, quickly opening a door. From inside it, a lady screamed "oops, sorry" he said, tossing open another door.

"D'oh!" he said, finding nothing. The next two doors yielded nothing as well, eliciting two more "d'oh's."

Finally, he made his way to the storeroom door. "Lisa, are you in there?" he called.

"Yes!"

"Okay. Hang on, I'm going to break the door down."

Lisa heard a thud, following by Homer moaning.

"No problem, I'll just try again" he said groggily. Lisa heard another thud and a "d'oh!"

"This could take a while" she said.

After five tries, Homer finally broke down the door. He then untied the girls, with Lisa promptly hugging him.

"Thanks dad" she said, "now hurry, we need to tell the police about what Burns is up to."

"I owe you my life Mr. Simpson" Sue Ellen said "is there anything I can do to repay you?"

"Actually, there is one thing" Homer said, "play with this ball of yarn." He pulled a ball from his pocket and tossed it to her.

"Okay" Sue Ellen said, shrugging her shoulders. She then began to kick the yarn like a soccer ball.

"Dad, is this really necessary?"

"Shh honey" Homer said, "look at her, she thinks she's people."

-----

Shortly afterwards, there was a knock at the door of the Read home. The door soon opened and a familiar face popped out.

"Oh hi Sue Ellen, what do you…"

Arthur was cut off when the girl grabbed him and pulled him into a kiss. To her, it was as though time stood still, and all that mattered was this moment.

After almost half a minute of contact, Sue Ellen pulled her lips away. Arthur quickly rubbed his as though he were trying to get a horrible taste out of his mouth.

"Ahh! Why did you do that?" he asked.

"Arthur, I have something to tell you" she began "I came close to dying today and almost didn't have a chance to tell you how I really feel. I care for you Arthur, I have ever since after Muffy's pool party last summer. I started having all these fantasies about you and I realized that you're the kind of boy I've always wanted. I was afraid to tell you, because I wasn't sure how you felt and I didn't want to ruin our friendship, but I can't keep my feelings bottled up anymore. So, what do you think?"

Arthur was taken by surprise by Sue Ellen's confession. After processing everything she had said, he responded in the most dignified way possible; by fainting.

D.W., who had followed her brother to the door, looked down at his prone form, then up at Sue Ellen.

"I think you killed him."

--------------------------

Bart: Ha ha, you've got a girlfriend!

Arthur: Why are you mocking me? You've had a bunch of girlfriends.

Bart: Yeah, but the Bartman can't be tied down to one chick. I gotta spread my wings and let all the honeys have their turn. Plus I've dated way hotter girls.

(Sue Ellen enters)

Sue Ellen: That's it! I've sat by and watched you insult Arthur at every opportunity, and even say I looked like a guy! Well not anymore!

Bart: Yeah, and what are you gonna do, give me a heartfelt talk about feelings?

Sue Ellen: Did you forget I know karate?

Bart: Crap.

Sue Ellen: Hi-ya! (beats Bart up with various karate moves).

Arthur: Is he going to be okay?

Sue Ellen: He'll live, but he won't be making fun of anyone for awhile. Now tell them what's next my love.

Arthur: Stay tuned for the final chapter. See our goodbyes to the Simpsons and find out if Sue Ellen and I get together.

Sue Ellen: I sure hope so. Read and review!


	8. Farewell

After Mr. Burns and Smithers left a restaurant, they were surprised to find themselves surrounded by a group of Elwood City police.

"What in blazes?!" Burns asked angrily.

"C. Montgomery Burns, you're under arrest for public endangerment and attempted murder" one of the police stated.

"I see" Burns replied "and how much money would it take to get me out of this?"

-----

Burns was eventually cleared of all charges when he claimed that Senator Larry Craig had authorized the building of the plant. Soon afterward, the plant "mysteriously" shut down, with all of its' nuclear material removed. With no job in Elwood City, the Simpsons had to move back to Springfield.

"We're really going to miss you" Francine told Lisa, as the other Simpsons loaded the car "you were only here for a few days, but they were a fun few days. Your brother, on the other hand, we could do without."

"I'll miss you too" Lisa said, "it's going to be hard going back to my old classmates after meeting such interesting ones here. I shall treasure the memories of all of you."

"Hey Lis, quit being gay and finish this up" Bart called out.

"Are you sure you don't have time for one more soccer game?" Francine asked.

"Let me check" Lisa said, turning to face her parents.

She watched as Homer dropped one of the boxes on his foot. As he swore up a storm, she turned back to the monkey girl "something tells me I could squeeze one in."

-----

So Lisa played soccer with her third grade friends for about a half hour. As the kids headed back towards the Simpson house, Lisa sidled up to Sue Ellen.

"How did the Arthur situation go?" she asked.

"Not well" Sue Ellen replied "I poured my heart out to him and he fainted."

"Give him time" Lisa said, "if he cares for you, he'll let you know."

The kids eventually returned to the Simpson house, where everyone gave their goodbyes to their new friends. The Reads were there as well, saying goodbye to the family.

"I am sorry you have to leave, although I'm relieved that we don't have to worry about that dangerous power plant anymore" Mrs. Read told Marge.

"I'm sorry too" Marge replied, "but at least we'll get to see all our old friends back in Springfield. I have been curious what Disco Stu's been up to."

"Homer, I know you and I have different beliefs on how to do things" Mr. Read began "but if you ever need a caterer for a party, give me a call."

"Will do" Homer replied, then shifted his eyes side to side and leaned in "you do serve beer, right?"

"No, sorry."

"D'oh! Well, that's okay, as long as you offer porkchops."

"That's a little simple for my skills" Mr. Read replied.

"And that's your problem. If you want to get good customers, you need to quit serving fruity foods and serve some manly stuff, like steak, or pork rinds. Ooh, or a combination of both; steak rinds!"

While Mr. Read explained to Homer about his business, Kate gargled her goodbye to Maggie.

"It's too bad you're leaving" she said, "we barely got anytime to talk."

Maggie just simply sucked on her pacifier.

"Visit you when I'm older?" Kate asked "Okay."

"Sorry you have to leave after we became such good friends" Arthur told Bart.

"Yeah, well, that's life" Bart replied "thanks for all the times we had together, I guess. I promise I'll remember you for about five minutes before I go back to hanging out with Milhouse."

"That's all I ask" Arthur replied.

"I'm glad you weren't planning to take over the city" Buster told him.

"Yeah, I guess I'll have to contact the mothership and tell them the invasion is off" Bart replied.

Buster's eyes grew wide as saucers. "I knew it!" he exclaimed "I met real aliens!"

As Buster ran off happily, Arthur turned to Bart. "I can't believe you told him that."

"Eh, I figured I'd cut long ears some slack."

"Farewell Dora" Lisa said to the young girl "I hope our brief time together has given you an appreciation for the art of jazz."

"I don't know about that" D.W. replied "but I would like to play one of those curvy horns like yours. It sounds funny."

Lisa hugged D.W. then turned to the other kids, who were ready to say their goodbyes.

"Here's my old soccer ball" Francine told her "it has a few rips in it, but it's still good."

"And here's one of my old dresses" Muffy added, "it went out of style, so you can have it."

"I was going to give you one of my Henry Skreever books, but I can't afford to part with any of them" Prunella said. She laid her hand on Lisa and began to chant "lotsa luckiness. There, now I've enchanted you with the spell of fortune. For the rest of your days, you'll have good luck."

"Thanks, I think" Lisa replied.

"I wrote you a poem, entitled My New Friend" Fern said.

_My new friend, with pointy hair I will miss the times we've shared_

_The talks we had, about poetry Were very significant to me _

_And your love of classic writings Filled me with joyous tidings_

_I'm sorry our time had to end But I shall always call you friend_

Lisa wiped a tear from her eye "that was very sweet, thank you" she said.

"It was fun having someone I could regard as an intellectual equal" Brain told her.

"Likewise" Lisa added.

Sue Ellen stepped forward next "here" she said, handing her a familiar item.

"Pema? Oh, I couldn't take this."

"It's okay, it's Muffy's" Sue Ellen explained "I figured you'd want one of your own."

Lisa grabbed the girl and hugged her tightly "I think I'm going to miss you most of all" she said, holding back tears.

"We could always write to each other" Sue Ellen suggested.

"Then it's settled" Lisa said, "I'll write every day. Or maybe every week."

"I'll look forward to your letters" Sue Ellen replied.

Everyone said their final goodbyes and the Simpson family drove off down the street, back to their home.

"She was weird looking, but that was one of the nicest kids we ever met" Francine said.

"Much nicer than that horrible Lucy" Muffy added.

The kids eventually went off towards their houses. The Reads decided to leave as well, but Arthur asked to stay behind. When he was sure all of his friends were out of range, he approached Sue Ellen.

"Listen Arthur, about what I said…" she began.

"Did you mean all that stuff?" Arthur asked "about having dreams about me, and secret feelings and everything?"

"Yes" Sue Ellen replied "did that scare you?"

"At first" Arthur said "but as I was getting ready to come over here, I realized I was more flattered than scared. I mean, I've never had a girl like me before."

"I don't know why" Sue Ellen replied "you have a lot of qualities that a girl would find appealing. You're so kind and nice, and you always care about the problems of your friends."

"Anyway, I've always thought girls were gross" Arthur said, "you know, infested with cooties. But when I thought about what you told me, well…"

"Yes?"

"I've decided that maybe I was wrong. Maybe girls aren't so gross. And maybe I'm willing to be with one."

"I hope you're saying what I think you're saying" Sue Ellen replied.

"I've thought about it, and I've decided that…I care for you too" Arthur said.

"Oh Arthur, I dreamed this day would come!" Sue Ellen said, hugging him "I sure hope I'm not dreaming, cause that would really stink."

"Nope, this is real" Arthur told her "now, I was thinking we should keep this from our friends. They might not know how to handle it, and they'll probably tease us. Not that I would mind if they did, of course."

"I was thinking the same thing" Sue Ellen said "oh, except Fern knows about my crush on you already."

"How'd she find out?"

"She is a detective."

"Oh yeah."

Sue Ellen sighed blissfully "this has turned out pretty well" she said "I lost a great friend, but gained a boyfriend. Boy, I'm going to have to get used to saying that."

"And I'll have to get used to saying 'girlfriend'" Arthur replied.

"Well, we can work on it together" Sue Ellen offered "but maybe tomorrow, because I have to get home for dinner."

"Me too."

"So long, boyfriend" Sue Ellen said, kissing Arthur on the cheek before running off.

"Bye, girlfriend" Arthur added, before he too left.

As both children walked off towards their homes, they thought about what tomorrow would bring. It would be both scary, and interesting.

---------------------------------------------

In my next Arthur story, Arthur & Sue Ellen decide to go on their first date, but run into several problems along the way. Later, the cast of _Seinfeld_ pays a hilarious visit to Elwood City.


End file.
